I wrote this three years ago about my brother. I got a call today, and well... It's been a shitty day.

This poem is dedicated to Tom- The only man in my life that I allow to 

break my heart, over and over again.

Here we go again

That’s what I say as I hang up with you

How long will this one last

What else will you promise to do

You said you’d remove people from your life like Megan

She’s gone today

But I know she’ll be back again

With her always comes the pipe and the pills

The disappearing act

The battle of the wills

I hate her. I hate all that she’s done to you

She’s installed a darkness.

Confirmed you an addict through and through.

I know there was no gun to your head.

You know other addicts,

and how their life is led.

You’ve seen first hand all the faces you’ve totally let down

The wrinkles in her forehead, and now a permanent frown

I’m sad to say

I’m starting to hate you too

How different my life would have been,

if there had been no You.

How do keep faith in someone who always proves you wrong?

How many times should I believe your story?

Your list of excuses is wide and long.

So tonight I’ll go to bed and promise to clearly assess

the fakery that I keep up, trying to hide my emotional mess.

Desperate to be honest, when faced with questions about you,

I’ll someday express feelings that are harsh, bold and true.

“He’s an addict, and he does what addicts do.

He doesn’t care about me, and probably cares less about you.”

“Unless you’re a pipe, or a pill, or a needle that will take him away

Don’t have expectations.

Who knows who he’ll be today.”

“He’ll let you down and make you cry.

Feeling like a fool, because you asked him to try.”

“No.

I don’t know where he’s at, who he’s with, or what they do.

Someday I’ll know. Someday I’ll care.

But not today.

And, “No”, I’ll say, when they ask me to be true.

“No.

“I don’t know YOU.”