Bullying seems to be the media buzz word right now. I’m hearing so many tragic stories that begin with unkind words, and escalate to suicide. It makes me tear up every time I read these news articles.
High School was HELL for me. I mean HELL. I cried every week I endured of that nightmare place. Then, when I graduated, I REALLY cried..tears of happiness. I was finally going to be free of that entire community of ridiculing, snarky assholes.
Fast forward to today, 20 years later. I am moderately successful. I have a wonderful husband, and 2 beautiful, healthy children. I live a comfortable lifestyle that affords me everything I need without worry. I have also grown out of a terribly awkward phase to be a moderately attractive adult. I have worked very hard to put a painful time in my life in the far off past. Not in my bathroom mirror, but in my rearview mirror. So… why am I still haunted by high school? At LEAST 3 times a month I have a flashback high school dream. I am always the first to be picked on and the last to be picked up for a team. I always wake up totally depressed and incredibly insecure.
This brings me to my next point. High school, it seems, is when the bulk of your personality is cemented. Your Id, your psyche- all of it is at molding stages.
So… why aren’t we teaching our kids to be kind?
Isn’t THIS lesson the one that should trump all others? The Golden Rule anyone?
Sure. Our kids need an education in the school of reality/hard knocks. They also need to be taught manners and socially acceptable behavior. Kindness is essential in both of these lessons.
I’m not talking about your bratty seven year old. That’s obvious. She told Suzy that she looks like a poodle with her new haircut. You tell her that she needs to apologize to Suzy and invite her over to play.
I’m talking about your sharp- tongued 14 year old. The one that said that if he had a dog that looked like Suzy, he’d kick it and then piss on it. THAT stuff stings. Apologies are often too late in coming, if at all. Suzy WILL remember that, and I would be mortified and ashamed if I ever found out my kid was the one who said that. A giant FAILURE in the parenting department.
I believe, as a parent, this is my number one lesson. I need to keep my children, healthy and KIND. I will not shelter my children from public and all the indignities it sometimes thrusts on you. I, instead will arm them with confidence, and a fair warning—the world is full of assholes who think that putting others down is cool. That, many times, this is their cruel version of seeking the same kind of approval that everyone else is.
I’m yammering on right now, but it just makes me angry that, as parents, we have forgotten that our children’s being smart or attractive should ALWAYS take a back seat to being kind. Just food for thought.
